SHad this random thought when I'm in lecture. I had been following this Taiwanese show closely, it talks about people psychologically, socially.. and it tries to explain human behavior with those methods and also by horoscope and tarot. Lol.

I have been suffering from bad sleeping quality these days, it takes a lot for me to fall asleep so I've decided to use that time to consolidate some thoughts..

 

I remember very clearly some words of the psychologist. She actually said, in an episode of extra national affair. 不要太高估你自己，你没有那么伟大。yess, how many times have we thought that it's our actions that made someone else the way they are. Oh, I must have been A very bad wife hence my husband has to go outside and look for some fun. Yeah. I guess everybody goes through that period of soul searching and self reproach. But. We can't be stuck in that process for too long. Have we ever stopped and think that, regardless of our actions, if someone wants to go out and have some fun, we actually are powerless to stop them. Even if you're average Jane, he will go. Even if you're Angelina Jolie, he would have gone ahead too. Many times, ppl commit something undesirable, it's not because others didn't love him or her enough. It's because we are sinful to begin with, and it's hard to not make mistakes all the time. It's their own brokenness they're struggling with, yes you could have played your part, but can we realise that sometimes.... it's really not about us even though we are hurt by their actions.

Many wives believe that if they do a better job. Their husbands would come back to them... yeah, maybe. But have we solved the root of the problem here? Usually, extra marital affairs is not a reason for a couple to fall apart. But it's a consequence. The root issue goes wayy deeper. It's not you changing to make the situation to work towards what you want now. It's about working together. Similarly, many issues goes deeper than what they seemed like. It's not because of you all the time. It maybe because of the other party. Or two of you together.

My point of saying this is that many times we get caught up in the thinking that if we do something better, we could have kept someone by our side. But no, it's a deeper issue. It's not solely about you. Pull back and think, we all have our dark side hence we make certain choices and mistakes. Forgive yourself, and forgive the other party my recognizing this may be more liberating for everybody.

Maybe one thing we should do is to think about why certain things hurt us more than others do. Sometimes, we aren't hurt by the actions of others. Think, A can hit B and C in the same way with the same strength. But B may have make a big fuss out of it while C walks away cooly. Why? Because different things gets to the depths of our hearts. Underlying all these hurts are anger, disappointment, insecurity, grief... whatnot. Maybe it's worth a thought why we can't seem to move on from certain stuffs. As it is written, all has fallen short of God's standards. It's totally normal to feel broken because we are broken to begin with. Just rmb. There's always a better solutions with God. I know it's not easy. I'm struggling to even pen  this down. hope it makes sense.