Today, I have a story to tell.

I used to have this girl-friend, okay, let’s name her A to protect her from further harms. Haha. We were pretty close till we drifted away. I guess we all change. Okay, so when we were closer, we used to share our lives and talk about stuffs. She is a nice girl, always so sincere in whoever she’s with, much as she doesn’t really show. I can feel it, that’s what I always tell her. And there’ll somebody who will appreciate her like me too.

But there was always this thing that’s bugging her. She thinks that she could never move on from her ex-boyfriend. Like, seriously never. She doesn’t cry over him anymore, but at the mention of his name, she would still feel kinda uncomfortable. She wants to be over it, so she acts like she doesn’t care. But she does, which made things within her so crappy sometimes.

I understand how she feels, but the only way out for her is to move on. “He already did, so should you!” We are stronger than that, we should not let whatever that happened in the past to keep haunting us like this. What you have left is not love; it’s just that you can’t bring yourself to have other feelings for other people anymore. So you live in the past. The old old past.

You’re not ugly, you’re not fat, you don’t smell, you’re not tone-deaf, you’re not low EQ and definitely not low IQ too, maybe that particular someone would come round the corner tomorrow and BOOMZ! That’s a start of a fairytale.

Hmm, sounds like a plan. :)

So she began to find ways to make herself move on. At a party, she met this cute guy from high school. So they talked. He liked to tease her, and she enjoyed his teasing too. His constant probing of her past love life. The verbal and sometimes physical flirting from him. She knew it wasn’t right, but she managed to keep her distance. She knew that they weren’t have a happy ending, cause he’s not into her at all. It’s in his nature to flirt and ‘show concern’. Moreover, they had different ideals. I thought that would enough to convict her not to continue liking him. But she couldn’t get him out of her head! Whenever he asks her out, she tries her best to be there. She even entertained thoughts of skipping church activities before! (Likea zomg totally!) Haha. So I kept pulling her back. But the struggle within her was too much for her. Not so much of liking him, but more of her even contemplating such decisions to begin with. She was disgusted with herself, and jaded at the way she always gives in to what Satan says. So, she prays for God to grant her wisdom and strength everyday. One day, some pastor spoke to her. I wouldn’t really said that was THE moment, but I guess it really did help the situation. The pastor told her “You wouldn’t want whatever that happened in your parents’ marriage to happen to yours too.” Yeah, finally something that’s scary enough to deter her off the evil path. So, she kept on praying to God to take away this desire. And finally, what really ended this saga was when he got attached few weeks later, to a girl he barely knew. She wasn’t hurt, but can’t help wondering if she was the one who took the initiative to get closer to him. Will she be the one instead? Will she be the one that’s in his FB display picture today? Will her hand be the one that he holds while walking down the street? STUPID THINKING, I TOLD HER. Yeah, and she realized. Getting out of the dumb mindset, she began thanking God that she didn’t took matters into her own hands, that He is there for her all the while, that He forgave her for having such a selfish and lame thinking to begin with. And she also realized what she had wasn’t love. She just wanted too move on so badly, that she wanted to shift her attention to the cute boy. Ultimately, she hadn’t really gotten over her first. WTH RIGHT LIKE SERIOUSLY. Sighhh, sometimes I’m tired of listening to her too.

After this whole incident, she shoved this whole love thing aside and prays that in God’s timing it will take place. And she would pray that God would allow her to move on almost every single day, or at least in every single journal entry.

And, she was getting there. :)

The hope of overcoming this with God succumbed whatever that’s left from the past relationship. It’s like every day is a new day. Every day is a new day to meet her Prince Charming. Sometimes, she would picture their first meeting. Maybe they would be attending somebody’s event, then their eyes met. At that very moment, he will be like “zomg, this is the girl for me!” and in her heart she will go, “zomg, it is him….”

HAHAHAH, lame max, I know. But I do have such thinking too.

That’s the ideal right? Love at first sight, and commit to each other forevermore. With no other complications, no other problems, no other guys, no other girls. It’s their love story that they are gonna write. Just the two of them. J

Then again, I guess the more you desire something, the more God wants to test you upon it. To see if you’re up to it or not. (Okay, if I made God sound like some evil planner here, sorry okay! That’s not what I’m trying to say! I’m trying to sayyyy… zomg hard to put it into words here, anything DROP IT ON THE TAGBOARD!) So yeah, she found out that she actually do have the ability to move on. Cuz she actually found herself liking somebody else now. I guess this is the blessing in disguise.

But I don’t know if this is a good thing for her. To me, I feel that she is giving a lot in this. Not so much as in, monetarily or time. But her heart, her emotions. It wasn’t healthy for her, cause she takes it all in herself. She’s pretty dumb. Like really dumb. She kept giving and giving and giving. I know, we always say to give till it hurts right….. yeah, wake up, it’s already hurting already. But she still choose to give…. even when the ideal is broken

Everyone tells her to protect herself, she’s trying. But it’s not enough, I always say. Stop giving in all the time. You have better stuffs to do. If there’s one thing about her, it’s that she really gives in at the end of the day in the face of people she really treasures. Maybe that’s why people always take her for granted. Cuz she always apologises in the end, cause she always gives in in the end. So now, I want to protect her. But I don’t know how. Cause the choice still lies in her hands.