her screams rang in my head, over and over and over again. it's like deja vu of what happened when i was younger. she used to scream and shout at me just as hysterically, the fear within me stirred. and along with it, my angst as well. i so wanted to make something happen. however, at that moment, i know im only capable of causing hurt. much as i wanted to, i refrained from it. there's so many things i can't control in life. there's so many things that could just turned around in a few hours', a few minutes.. what do we, mere man, has control over? nothing. what can we, ever be sure of? nothing, but the love of God. but the One who promised us that He will never leave us nor forsake us. i hold tightly onto this verse, because apart from You, i have no good thing within me.

i'm sorry if i cant live up to Your standards at times due to my overwhelming emotions. sometimes im not sure what im so angry about, or why im so upset for. sometimes... i feel like im going crazy as well. but i know You will always be there for me.

this incident taught me one thing. You're the only one who cares, the only who will stay by me forever. teach me how to have faith in times like this, and also, teach me how to keep the faith when things are looking up. You're not somebody i wanna abandon at the end of the day. teach me humility, teach me patience, teach me all the good things you have in store for me. and i know, maybe there's nothing else that'll probably make me this sad again. You're my portion, please come and save us like You've saved me. i love You.