To have lil kids fluttering around you, hugging you, sitting on your lap is sucha blessing every sunday. I don't think I deserve to be their leader, or even worthy enough to teach them Your truth. But thank You for giving me the chance, and teaching me new stuffs along the way. Watching them grow up is really sucha joy. I wouldn't give anything in the world for it. Their innocence taught me faith to believe in a God that we cannot see. These are young minds, which should only be able to comprehend things that are tangible. Yet they know about Your existence, not because we keep talking about You and drilling it into their head. I believe they feel You and that they really know You. And, this is faith. To believe in something and someone unseen. And I see myself a little clearer every sunday. I used to not know how to relate to God as a Father. Maybe my earthly relationship with my earthly father has gotten in the way one way or another, but nonetheless I love my earthly father as well. Haha. I used to fear Him. Maybe to an unhealthy extent. Whenever I do gravely wrong, I couldn't really believe someone would forgive me just like that. As in, you mean you really don't have to do anything? Even after apologising, sometimes the guilt remains. On bad days, it resonates. It keeps telling me that I have to work harder to get rid of that particular sin in my life because God hates it. And if He hates it, He hates me doing it.. And maybe because of that something in His plans for me would be changed and I would be shortchanged because of that! Oh woah, what a seed that the devil has planted in my mind. Try harder liting, try harder. But tell you what, you may not be able to get through in the end because you always fail. And God is not gonna like it.

Yeah, and that was what I thought for a long long time. God doesn't like it, and I gotta stop doing it. Yes that is true. But we forgot about one thing, God loves us unconditionally as well. He hates our sins, but He will never forsake us just because we sinned. And He will forgive us as long as we are sincere about repenting. Okay note here, this is not your passport to sin as and when you like. We've gotta be sincere, and by repenting we mean that we're not gonna do it again. And yes, sometimes on bad days the devil will get me, and I will slip into some bad habits again. Then I would start beating myself up, I think the guilt is neccessary. Like, for us to feel bad for what we did because we've sinned against God. David mourned and cried out to God after he has sinned right? I guess its normal and I think its perfectly fine to feel bad about it. But I don't think it's okay if we feel guilty about it perpetually, a feeling which lingered in my life for far too long sometimes.

As I look at those children, I got a glimpse of the way You look at me. Sometimes when the children are misbehaving, we would be a little firmer towards them, and we would refuse to give in to what they want because that isn't what they need. If they really cross the line, we would probably be alot more stern towards them than usual, telling them where they've gone wrong and what they should be doing instead.   But once they get it, we would also tell them that we still love them and its because of this love hence sometimes it seems like we're being mean to them. And we would never bear any grudges against them, or blame them for being such naughty kids. Because we know the nature of kids right! If they don't misbehave in one way or another, today or tomorrow, I think maybe we have something else to worry about. Haha. Yep, probably that's what You have been doing towards me all the time. Chiding me, reprimanding me whenever I've done wrong. Practising Your tough love sometimes because stupid me just never seemed to get it. But You will never bear a grudge against me, You know how fallible I am, and how powerful You are. You will always love me for who I am, but You love me too much to leave me the way I am now. Thank You. Thank You for everything You've given me. Thank You for always loving me and giving me second chances. Most importantly, thank You for being God. Thank You for being the One who is always beside me.

Sometimes, I'd feel so bad that I need You in my life... because I need You? Like, in the end, it's kinda.. selfish? Because I'm the one that's gaining in the relationship, You're always like the one that's losing out. But I know, You love me too much to calculate all this. Yeah, random thoughts. So I wana start appreciating You more. Not because of the things You've given me, but because of Your very presence in my life.