This is gonna be a
weary post. Sigh, I kinda got injured today. And seriously God, physical damage
is much more welcomed. Lol. There was some bad exchange between me and my
brother today. And I kinda lost it. As in, emotionally. I didn’t explode or
whatever. But seriously, I’m tired.
Sometimes I ask
myself, how many times am I going to subject myself to this? How many times do I
wana put them first and get so hurt after that because I know that I’m never
gonna be first? Notice that I didn’t even use second because I kinda doubt I
can be second either. All those nasty words, if I didn’t try, maybe I wouldn’t
get so upset afterall.
A lot of emotions flooded me today… I began to hate the way I’m being brought up, I begin to hate the way they’ve been treating me. I begin to hate the way they’ve shaped me to be. I hate the way they see me yet I can’t bear to do the same to them. I begin to get angry. Then I start to get angry because of the fact that I’m getting angry. I hate being angry. But… I wana curb it. If not for them, I may been a little more secure. If not for them, I would have been a little less angry. If not for them, I would have been… that’s all I could think of. Sigh, all I asked was something small and yet he just had to be mean.
A lot of emotions flooded me today… I began to hate the way I’m being brought up, I begin to hate the way they’ve been treating me. I begin to hate the way they’ve shaped me to be. I hate the way they see me yet I can’t bear to do the same to them. I begin to get angry. Then I start to get angry because of the fact that I’m getting angry. I hate being angry. But… I wana curb it. If not for them, I may been a little more secure. If not for them, I would have been a little less angry. If not for them, I would have been… that’s all I could think of. Sigh, all I asked was something small and yet he just had to be mean.
But, it’s over. While
I’m getting so upset, he doesn’t even care. Why should I waste so much effort
crying here? Nobody seemed to understand anyways, but I know You do. I don’t
know why this is still happening, and I don’t know how long more it’s gonna
continue. But I guess You have a plan. It kills me a little whenever I give my
all yet it’s never enough. And it hurts me even more whenever I see people
leading such comfortable lives. But I know everybody has their own struggles,
no comparing there liting.
I don’t know what
to say, but I know that You are for me.