Being ‘old’ Christians, it’s easy not know what is the right thing to do given a situation. But the thing is, will you do it? Or maybe, some of us has passed the stage for that question. The focus now should be. Why are you doing it?

When things are going well, it’s easy to love, easy to give, easy to trust, easy to do the right thing. But when things aren’t going well, say, you’re hurt or something. We all know what is the right thing to do, and we’ll do the right thing. But do we do it because we want to do it or because we’ve auto-piloted ourselves to this mode?

Sometimes, I double check my heart before I say I really wouldn’t hold it against the person, or I forgive the person. While it is a command to forgive others like how Jesus has forgiven you, we have to realize why we’re doing it in the first place. Liting, if it’s for people’s approval, if it’s for people to announce to the whole world that you’re a spiritual giant.. Then maybe you need to rethink what have you been building you foundation with God on. Sometimes, I’m tempted to do it. Why not right? Give you a slipshod, “I forgive you” and then get on with our own lives as if nothing had happened. And we’ll probably not go close to each other again. But is this the right spirit? This thing keep poking me tonight. Is this the right spirit? Isn’t this, in its essence, running away? Just with legitimate reasons. Whatever it is, God search my heart whenever I say such words. Make sure I mean them. And why am I doing this? Not because I want people to forgive me if I’ve hurt them. And not because I want to look like some spiritual monster. It’s because I want to live by Your word and Your stand. If You were here, You’d have forgiven them for sure. (but, please throw in a parable as well.. haha :/)

The least I could do is to not hold anything against them. Although that’s very little, that’s a start. A few years ago, I gave up on my right to choose who to forgive, or who to apologize to. That, doesn’t mean that I’m perfect, but if I'm really presented a choice, I will try my best to choose to do either depending on the situation. Of course, there are people who pushes my limit, (and because I’m not perfect I have a limit! – and that’s not an excuse). There are really some people out there whom I find it really hard to forgive at that very moment, or worse, after whatever incident that had happened. But I guess the most empowering thing you can do to whomever that might have hurt you before is to forgive them. And to those whom you’ve hurt before, an apology/restitution is only right especially if you’re a believer.

There’s no such thing as he/she will get over it, or I do not have to do anything since we’re both hurt in this situation. If we can count our exchanges as units of pluses and minuses for all the good and bad things we’ve done to the people around us, all we have will be a cold and unfeeling world. But we’re different. We feel, we get upset, we get disappointed, we get jealous. We get whatever, that’s why we long for perfect (or rather, near to perfect) relationships. So, if you want one, start approaching it with the standards of the perfect One.

Forgive readily, love your neighbor as yourself.

Exodus 34:6

“The LORD, the LORD, the compassionate and gracious God, slow to anger, abounding in love and faithfulness,”

Leviticus 19:18
“‘Do not seek revenge or bear a grudge against one of your people, but love your neighbor as yourself. I am the LORD.

Mark 12:33
To love him with all your heart, with all your understanding and with all your strength, and to love your neighbor as yourself is more important than all burnt offerings and sacrifices.”

Galatians 5:14
The entire law is summed up in a single command: “Love your neighbor as yourself.”

Then you’re on your way to having the closest to perfect friendship/ties you’d ever have probably. But, the good(best) news is, you’ll find yourself drawing so close to God, and that, would be the perfect relationship of your life.

You may say, it looks real easy on paper, but it’s seriously taking my life whenever I even think of executing it. Yeah, I agree. How do I ever forgive the person who stab me across my chest and twist the knife before removing it? I suffered the hurts, nothing can compensate for whatever I’ve went through. He’s the bad guy, she’s wrong - as we always say. It’s true. It’s really true. Nothing can be more truthful than the truth. I’m not trying to belittle whatever everybody had went through but that’s really not the way to go…..

I held onto this thinking for the bulk of my life that I’m tired of it. Forgiveness, is the very first thing we receive when we asked Jesus to enter our lives. And you can only practice giving a little bit of God’s love by doing to others what He did to You. Grudges eats you up, it blinds you, it only makes everybody miserable. (I’m not saying I can forgive everybody and anybody…… it takes time sometimes.)

Let me share with you a little story.

As you guys know, my brother and I hadn’t been the greatest pair of siblings in history. All we do is fight. Fight. And probably more fight. If he doesn’t fight with me, he fights with my mom. The only decent conversation we had consistently is, “are you gonna use the toilet?” Or, “Hurry up, I need to use the toilet.” Haha. Ohwells…..

And do I need to spell it out that I don’t exactly adore him sometimes? Haha, especially when he’s being mean and stuff. When I was 14 I set my mind on hating him, really detesting him and loathing him. I make sure I went against his ways if I can. And I made sure I hurt him as much as he hurt me. (and I’m good at it!) lol. Yeah, anyways… but that was the worst part of my life, while I hate, I grew in fear. I fear that I might not see tomorrow on some real low days. Not sure when these fights would evolve to something that I’d regret for life. But in any case, HOW CAN I TAKE IT LYING DOWN THAT HE’S BEING SUCH A BULLY AND I LET HIM HAVE HIS WAY RIGHT? (I read your mind!!!) So, as a result, heated arguments were our best friends. We’d wake our mom up in the middle of the night just because we’re too aggressive. In between, I received Christ. I struggled with the very fact that we need to love our neighbor like ourselves. WHY GOD WHY?! I refused to forgive, I just refused to. I look at all the hurts he left upon me, all the scars that I have to pick up from. I tell myself, no way am I gonna forgive this dude. But, what did God say? He says, this is a commandment, not a favor.

(Reality of God sets in)

Much as I try to struggle, it’s pointless. So I began to submit, to at least not to rebut or ‘rebel’ against him. Of course, I didn’t start out with an extremely willing heart; I fell here and there as I try. But the grace of God is always with me. Then slowly, God changed my heart. It was not longer forced, it was no longer a struggle to just stand there and listen to his insults. It was the right thing to do. The desire to fight back died down…. And I began to slowly forgive him. Weird right? It was something I wouldn’t imagine I would do. But that was one of the most liberating experience I’ve came across in my whole life.

I began submitting to God even more, and in turn, submitting to him even more. To do whatever I think was righteous, to give up my rights, because God gave up His for me.

And recently, we had this talk. I would never imagine us talking in sucha situation.

It was results day of the general election. He was telling me why we should all support his party instead of mine. And a seemingly innocent conversation turned into a lecture by him. He began to say that I’m a person who is different from them. Because I like to rebel. Because I don’t like to back down and compromise for whatever I believe in. (because of my believe in the opposition……) he told me that in this dog-eat-dog world, sometimes you’d have to compromise and swallow your pride because those who are bigger than you would eat you up whether you compromise or not. Might as well make your own life better by submitting.

So I said, I believe in compromising if it’s for the right reasons, but if I see certain things that’s not being done the right way, of course I would fight for it so that it will be make right again. So he went on to say that I’m just rebellious by nature….. (maybe I am, but I’m rebellious for the right things now)

So he asked me, if I ask you to get me a glass of water, would you do it?

Then I’m like, if you ask me this qns 6 years ago I’d probably punched you in the face. But yeah I will do it now.

He asked, then aren’t you compromising?

I said, no? This isn’t compromising because whatever I do is out of love, out of whatever I want to do for my loved ones, whatever I can do for this family. I don’t see it as compromising, but a natural thing to do. in any case, how hard is it to just get you a glass of water? The only thing I’m compromising is my pride, but that’s not really the issue here eh? Because what I’m gonna get or give is more than my pride. (woahhhhhh. Haha) And this is not just pure talk, everytime you ask me to do something, I did it anyways wad. I know there’s a need to compromise. I won’t compromise for everything, I only compromise for the right things. Aren’t you tired of fighting alr? Of the past.

*silence*(hope he's stunned by what i said in a good way)

Then we went on to talk about my beliefs.

He said, you’re rebellious by nature, that’s why you became pro-Christian.

(In my heart, the very first thing that came into my mind is that. I’m not PRO-Christian. I’m a Christian! But I kept quiet anyways.)

He continued to say that he’s an anti-Christ.

So I said, okay that’s fine with me, I won’t try to force my thinking on you, but surely we can talk about it.

Then he said the most epic thing I’ve ever heard in my whole life.

He said, “but I’m forceful”

Then, isn’t that the root of the problem? People try to enforce their thinking upon each other because they've been hurt before. They can't believe that they've been forgiven. or worse, they think that they don't need forgiveness. Haha. :/ In any case, thank God that the conversation didn’t end up with blood and tears. And I believe God is slowly changing his heart as well. I would never imagine talking to him at the sofa about such stuffs, and him telling me rather-nicely that the problem with my character is I’m too rebellious. He will one day understand why I do what I do. Maybe he won’t understand Christianity (but by faith he will). But I hope he would understand the power of forgiveness. His image of me is stuck in the liting 6 years ago. But I’m not the same anymore. I can be who I am today is because of His forgiveness. And because of this, the two of us can share a conversation amiably. We all need forgiveness. It’s not about forcing your values onto others so as to cover your hurts. It’s about going to where it hurts, then you’ll find what you need the most – love and forgiveness.

Yeah, this is a lengthy post, and this had been a long journey for me. Had been battling in this area of my life with God for the past 6 years, and I’ve never stopped learning something more from God through every exchange. Thank You God. Forgiveness broke my family up. But that was the very thing that had pieced me back together. He had convicted me of the power of forgiveness, time to extend it to those that’s around me. i can only pray that I can live it up in Jesus' name. I still find it hard sometimes, but I know, if I focus on the right things, I’ll get it more and more.

In conclusion, doing the righteous things are more important than doing the right things. Even the Pharisees know how to perform and carry out the right tasks. Doing the righteous things, is the way to go.

If you’re still here, haha, just wana say thankyou very nais ~ and I’m gonna sleep, nights.