During all these nights of solitude, many things flashed past my mind. My thoughts were all over the place, emotions (okay, I’m still a girl) swung from high to low, low to high as many things came rushing in.

Self-control, liting.

I hate it when the past is still something that I can’t shake off. I hate it when even the smallest things can stir up the strongest emotions within me. I hate it when I have to be there, when I don’t want to be. I hate it when it seems like no one can fully understand. Much as I try my best to communicate, much as I try my best to illustrate. But, the more I try, the more I have to break down.

I don’t want to.

Cause I know it looks ridiculous, cause I know it seems lame. Pardon the ego here.

Actually, maybe I’m an island on my own too. (With the HJMs inside.)

In this island, you can find malls of passion, you can find houses of love… You can find rooms of trust, you can find places of security. You may visit it once in awhile, stay for a few days and enjoy the warmth of this lovely(HAHA) place. But, just leave after you’re done with your pleasure. I guess you wouldn’t want to find out how cui it can get sometimes.

Cause, in between or surrounding these beautiful malls/houses/rooms, there are some mountains and volcanoes. Much as I try, these are some things that we can’t remove from the island, it’s a gift (or it’s something from God haha). So, on rainy days, there might be landslides on the mountains, flooding here and there. And on real bad days, the volcano might erupt, lava will spew, explosions will occur, injuring those few that live in it, or whoever that’s so unlucky that happened to pass by.

So for your own safety…. Please stand behind the yellow line. LOL of course not. So for your own safety, don’t bother to stay. It’s not worth it. You don’t have to act like you understand, when you don’t. save the efforts. You don’t have to act like you care, when you don’t. You don’t have to put up a front like I’m important, like you gave a damn, cause you don’t. Saves everybody the trouble, right? My emotional turmoil, and your acting.

You don’t know how much it hurts or how painful it is to repeat the whole damned story again.

And you know what’s the thing I hate the most? The look in people’s eyes.

Don’t pity me. Don’t even let your mind go there. Don’t. Don’t try to act like you understand. I can feel you trying. I can SEE you trying. Don’t see me in a different light, but ohwells, you do, right?

Sorry if I sound like a loser in this post, because I’m really feeling abit defeated in this area. Just, allow me to rant. I guess I’ve tried enough.

But I know, when I wake up tomorrow, I’ll start trying again.