been mugging recently, but can't find the focus. arghs.. but i really want to do my best, it sucks to have this kinda feelings.


and i actually fell sick, OF ALL TIMINGS, SERIOUSLY. lol i just want to sleep my days away. but,nah.. reality always sucks. i have to mug, i have to do my best. just one shot, liting LETS GO. cannot wait for the 3 months holiday seriously!


okay, acty the above is just some nonsensical rants that can be published in thsi public blog. (God knows who's reading this right now. YOUUUUUU!)

there's many feelings/emotions/whatever you call it that im experiencing right now, which sometimes i cannot even pen it down. thank God that He knows me through and through. though i also duno how to phrase it, but i feel that He's feeling the same way too. or at least, feeling the way i do. sometimes, i think im weird. like i tend to think too deeply into stuffs, or i'm always the only one affected by the incident(s). sometimes, i refuse to voice it out because i think i'm the only one who's feeling this way. since everybody else can live with it, why can't i? and most importantly, i can always escape from it if i want to. running, the loser's option. sometimes, i really want to take that route. but i guess there's a reason why i'm like this. sometimes, i don't like myself, yeah and sometimes i really do get insecure if you haven't realised.. but because of God's assurance i'm learning to accept my sometimes out-of-the-world thinking. but i have to make sure i have no ulterior motive or bad spirit too! yup, checking my heart! :) it's hard to balance, being yourself and being what the world wants. and it's really hard to choose sometimes. oh God, tell me what to do.