okay. things have been rather normal although CNy just passed. lol. what a boring life eh. lolol. no la. just to share some stuff that i've been thinking about recently, but maybe pretty hard for me to start a conversation with.. okay. here it goes.

on the 2nd day of CNY, my bro and i went visiting at my late grandma's place. the moment that we reached her void deck, it's pretty saddening because the lift that she has been longing for is finally set up. but now, she's no longer around to enjoy the facility anymore. oh wells, she was about 70 when she left us in 2008. and her legs had been torturing her quite a bit because of old age. but ultimately, she left us because of cancer. well, i realised i still miss her alot and seeing that lift 'coming to pass' was really a tight slap across my face that she's really not around anymore. btw, this is the firts time that the family's celebrating without her cuz we didnt celebrate last year. things are quite different. though there were still laughter and sharing of life here and there. she used to be the one that binded the entire family together, and she'd always cook for us for reunion. now, we don't even have reunion anymore. oh wells... if i have a chance, i would choose not to be lazy anymore. i would choose to visit her after service that fateful saturday. i would choose not to argue with my dad right infront of her hospital bed. i would choose not to make her cry because of my immaturity. i would choose to be a nicer granddaughter to her. i would choose to take out more of my time to accompany her. all this, i i knew, i would choose. but now.. lol. i guess all i can do is say IF I CAN. well.. i miss her alot. and i know she gave me her best in my entire life. that's more than enough for me. she's been the best grandmother anyone could have. and i hope she'll know that im missing her damn badly now too. oh wells, i cant even bringmyself to think about where she could be now..

okay can. i think that's enough of my very very raw and private feelings. but i guess i need to let it out here cuz it's really very awkward to talk about it face to face. okay can. yupp, and CNY is pretty much over too. TIME TO MUG REAL HARD FOR THE UPCOMING MID TERMS.. HAI

yes i do have alot of doubts whether i should stay on in NUS and all. but still, i guess i have to finish whatever God wants me to do here first. but i duno if im barely starting, in the middle of completion, or already seeing the end of the road. God, please enlighten me. and, i promise i would do my bets in mugging. no more procrastinating, so that Your will could be accomplished.. oh yes liting lets go lets go.


sorry this post is pretty much all over the place cuz i'm too lazy to put them into nice paragraphs with everything easy to read all. on a sidenote, there's quite abit of stuff going through my head now. God, i pray for peace and assurance. and most importantly, let Your presence embrace me. You know i cant take a step without You. if the only way for me to remember is by slapping me, by all means. go ahead. thankyou very nice. okay gtg. meeting lifeng for mugging tml. NIGHTS PEOPLE. oh yes and treasure all those you love! God bless.