i've never been so hardworking in maintaining this dying blog.
probably this is the other thing i can do to get my head off the notes that are calling me.

when i was young, i always believe im meant to do something great in my life. it's like im called to be somebody powerful. but with every second that passes by, a little of my believes die inside. i though being somebody powerful was to be somebody in control. so all the leadership positions sounded real attractive to me. but sadly, i think God has it that way that i'm hardly entrusted with any. this broke my confidence more and more as i grow up. i felt more and more restricted. like i just cant be the person that i wanted to be.

until i found God, and He taught me something. if i want to have control, lose it to Him. that's when control really starts. to me, having control is not about being able to do what you want to do. but it's more of that you are able to reject what you don't want to do. i dont want to be a loser thinking about all the missed opportunities. i don't want to be dwelling in misery and missing out on even more again. this is the kind of control i want. i thank God that the 2 of us are doing a great job here. wait for His timing, and nothing can stop me from being the one He destined me to be.