From Prof Thio Li-ann: When you’re younger you’d probably ask God, “Why me?” and as we grow and mature, we begin to ask God another question instead. “Why not me?”

I tell you, nobody has hit the bullseye this accurate in my life before. This are the exact questions that I’ve been asking God all my life. during my teenage years, probably up to JC. I kept asking God, why me? Why me? Why is it always me? Why do I have to do this? Why do I have to do that? Why do I always get the shittiest role in your great plans?!

Then I start to see why. Have you ever had the feeling that you’re born different? I mean, like really different. Not in the mutant manner. But like, you know there’s something within you that’s different from anybody that’s walking down the street.

Ohwells, it may sound abit funny. But, I’ve probably felt this way my whole life? Okay, maybe not my whole life, but ever since I’m sensible. Like when I know how to differentiate right from wrong.

I knew I was different. Maybe because I can do some stuffs better than others, and of course some normal stuffs worse than others. But the main reason why I knew I was different was because of God’s providence and protection in my life. He never left me throughout all these years. He was so real, and He was always beside me. It’s as if He had a reason for everything that’s happening in my life. And no matter how bad the situations are, looking back. They always made sense. Because He was the writer of my life, He holds my yesterday, today and of course tomorrows. He carried me through everything, love me despite circumstances. Protected me from all the evil paths that I could have taken.

He put something different in me. I don’t know if it’s a good or bad thing. But I just know, it’s different. He probably put an extra dosage of emotions in me when He made me. That made me a bit more compassionate than others, of course, a lot more easily provoked emotionally than normal.

After I moved on from the “why me?” stage, I went on to ask Him, why not me? Why am I not the one that’s born this way or that way then I can serve You better? Why can’t have I this or that, then it’d be easier for me to serve You? I crave for all the things that I didn’t get. Because there’s this stupid thinking in me that I would be better off with them, and of course, acting yi ge spiritual, I can serve God a lot better with them. But how sure am I?

To be brutally honest, sometimes I’m just so envious of them girls who have it all. Rich background, sheltered conditions, good grades, charming personality… Like seriously, have it all? Like, God, have You forgotten about me?!?!?! Like some people are just born luckier than me. Or, should I say, most?

Sometimes I really wish I’m one of them. No offence, but like the saddest thing in my life that I’ve to struggle with is to be more sensitive to my friends. That’s like, !??! (Okay…. Sounding abit too honest.)

Changing mode!

Of course, as I said, that’s a stupid thinking. How would I learn how to serve God better in abundance if I can’t even serve God in my poverty? One thing I learn from these 21 years of my life – if you can’t give when you’ve little, you’ll definitely not give when you have a lot. It’s no big words, but it’s really a basic principle that I’ve been holding onto in my life. I want to serve God more, but I’ve gotta do it the liting way. The way God has planned it to be.“Why not me?” – why am I not the one that’s serving today… why am I not up there today? I mean it’s good to have a desire to want to be up there and stuff liting. But you have got to do it the liting way! God has a different plan for everybody. Cliché as it may sound, but there’s only one truth. And this is the truth. That’s why we keep repeating it. God has a different plan for everybody.

And again, God owned me again today. Mr Chew Chor Meng said in his testimony not to count our losses when it comes to our lives. Because what we got from God is soooo much more than what we’ve ‘lost’. Like, seriously. What’s all this little things that I’ve lost as compared to gaining a new life. A friend, a father, a mentor, a leader, a savior who had come to died for me. Liting, sometimes I really think you’re really dumb. Who am I to tell God that, eh God this is seriously unfair blah blah blah blah. Yeah, unfair as it is. Was it fair when God sent His one and only perfect Son to die for sinners like me?

Talk about fairness, Jona Yu.

Sigh, and yes this is kinda a continuation from the last last post! Life’s never exactly fair, we just gotta remember who God is in our lives and trust in His character. He sees everything. Including my hidden sins that all you people don’t see, and He said that He’d reward and punish accordingly.

Yeah God, why not me? I want to be there as well. But I want to do it the way You would have done it in my life. Let me not set my standards according to other people’s lives, but by what You really want to do with mine.