Have you ever had this feeling?

Like sometimes I hate my own sinfulness, I don't why I have to do some things, say some stuffs, feel in a certain manner. Then the thought that You've failed the Lord's way gets to you, and you start feeling even worse than you initially had. Like, why are you still struggling with this even after sooooo long? Hadn't God gave you enough chances? And didn't you promise that you wouldn't commit it again?

Than I'd probably go down an emotional spiral, start feeling from bad to worse. Insecurities and guilt would start setting in. Worse, then legalism within me would be triggered. Maybe something bad happened after, I'd start thinking that actually I deserved such a treatment. Because I did this, it's normal that I would get that right?

But because I've failed so many times, and had asked for God's forgiveness so many times. I came to realize that I've gotta stop indulging in this personal defeat. Stop looking at it and magnifying on it. (But work still needs to be done here) Don't let the emotions of "not-being-perfect" overwhelm you, liting.

Today I'm reminded that in the bible, which of the characters being used by God is perfect? None! Some may even struggle with them same issues as us. But what I'm trying to say is that God can still use us even though we're not perfect. And the fact that we can never be perfect. Not trying to say we should just emulate the weaknesses of the characters in the bible and just sit and slack our lives away. But to realize and accept that God loves us in whatever state that we are, and He'll help us through.

Lord, I know I'm not perfect. I'm far from perfect. But i want to be more like You. But, sometimes I don't know where to start from because there are so many areas in my life that I feel that I'm not good enough at. Please help me through. Please change my heart. Allow my mouth to speak of encouraging words. Allow my eyes to see the brokenness of others, and my heart to have the compassion of Yours upon them. Allow my hands to do Your work, and my feet to go the distance for You. Let Your peace fall on me, Amen.