Was ranting to God about the things I didn’t get to do or enjoy given my situation. I really envy those who seemed to ‘have it all’. Good grades, good face, good skin, good family…… and I always wonder why I don’t have them.

So I was just sharing my thoughts with my HJM today. Telling her sometimes how I feel that life is so unfair. Even if I work hard, sometimes I don’t get what I want. Or, I have to work hard just to get what I want while people who are ‘sheltered’ just get their way all the time.

MEGA SHORT-SIGHTED I KNOW.

I guess, when we count our losses, we will always be in deficit. Always. When I work hard for what I want, God grows as a person. And that’s what some ‘sheltered’ people don’t get. There’s this saying that goes something like, a good sailor is trained in a storm, right? Haha, I guess sometimes I’m just tired of the pruning and the repetition of some root problems in my life.

I even said that if we were to struggle anyways, I’d rather be struggling when I have a lot, than to struggle with nothing at all. But now, after settling my thoughts, I’d rather be struggling without having anything, because that’s when I cling onto God the tightest. I don’t have anyone else, and I won’t have anyone else. And I guess, that’s incomparable to anything else in this world.

Let me not get tired of chasing You, of doing what You want me to do even when it gets real tiring. Whatever I don’t have, I’ll commit it to prayer. And whatever I have, I’ll keep praying for them. I’ll do the things I want to do someday somehow. I’ll go travelling. I’ll work for it. I’ll stop thinking that I’m not privileged because I’m not as 'blessed'. Because I am. Turning this envy into something more useful. Haha.When God blessed you, He loves you. When He doesn't, He loves you even more.

This is just sparked off by some family issues again. I always wonder when this will come to an end, but I guess it won’t because God is using it to make me become a better person all the time. I shall not give up because He is more interested in whom I'm gonna become, rather than what are the things I'm gonna get in this life.