I will be able to be on the ground, right beside all the students. I will be able to see them, know them, hear them. and I will be able to really make a change, if I really want to. You get what I’m trying to say? Not just say say I want to plan this I want to plan that. No. Like really writing proposals and whatever stuffs to reach out to whichever kid that needs help out there.

Those who suffer from neglect, those who don’t have enough money to eat, those who suffer from school bullying. All these kids, I want to help.

I know, it sounds like a very big dream and stuff, and I don’t even know if I can even do it. But, that aside. Looking at the criteria of the teaching award makes me abit sian. I wonder what it means to have good university results. A CAP score of 2.5? Definitely not up to it bah.

And I wonder if I can even be a teacher?!?! Will they want me?!?! Like OMG your CAP so low you still want to teach my kids?!?! You still want to make a change!?? Change your own life!

LOL. : (

Ohwells, I can’t blame anyone for my sucky grades, and I don’t want to blame anyone. I can only blame myself. For not trying hard enough or not being good enough. I’m like, why didn’t I go to NIE straight?!?! At least my A levels grades are decent!!

I GOT LIKE ABC FOR H2 AND I GOT A B FOR GP! TAKE THAT!!!!! LOL. OKAY IM CRAZY.

I'm just fearful that MOE rejects me? LOL, this is the first time I'm feeling real bad over my results. It's like I'm losing something. Just because I messed up my studies in my own hands. Like, I won't be able to get to where I want to be anymore. Like, all this things that I've been dreaming about. They're just gonna stay as dreams. Period. It's not the bad results that haunts, it's the loss of something that you really really really want.

Other than singing and writing rubbish songs (that'd never amount to a career), I've never felt such passion in my life before? As in, something that I'd be motivated to do...... something that I'd dream of.

But in whichever way, God allows. And whatever it is, I know this is something I want. So I’m still gonna try.

And then again, I still have 2 and a half sem, LITING STEP ON IT.

DRIVE IT LIKE YOU STOLE IT. LOL NO MEANING BUT YEAH THIS IS ME! : )