okay. it is 1136pm now.
my eyelids are sooo heavy that i'm gonna fall asleep anytime.
but there's still work undone.
so, yup, i'm trying my best to fight with the z monster now.
haha. but i can't really fall asleep either.
partly due to my super full stomach now. i went on a binge with nana and kl just nw. LOL.
and yeah there's an unsettling feeling lingering around.
i duno what. maybe another assignment due tml that im not aware of, or the victims of the myanmar cyclone. (dun ask me why, i just feel for them. more than anything else.)
all i know is that the feeling can get quite disturbing.........

ahh. nowadays, im not quite happy with myself. and i know this is an extremely wrong thinking.
i kept questioning God ' is this the most i can do?'
im quite frustrated with myself in certain areas. i cant seem to do things well. i keep failing my own expectations and this is unbearable. i wanted to do well badly. i seriously do not know if this is healthy or not.
i wondered what would happened if God made me a lil smarter, a lil bit stronger, a lil bit quicker on the feet.
yeah. and i keep thinking..........
this is no good.
this must be changed. haha.
i know.. for everything i do, if i put in my best. that's enough alr. but sometimes, the feeling really suck when you put in your best but you're still inferior to others. and. gosh the worst part is that you can't shake this irritating feeling off.
God, please help me see through this. i don't want to let anything like this hinder me..

i felt like giving up sometimes. err maybe most of the times. that im not cut out for this or that.. seriously. i can't run fast, i dun have good elevation, i'm not the smartest person around and certainly the most not holy one.
sometimes, this thoughts drives me to work harder, but ahh. sometimes it is just so demoralizing when you think about it. like i can't ever seem to succeed in something worthy. i'm always the one kidding around. always the mediocre one. i'm kinda sick of it. i need a breakthrough. but i'm going 18 alr. i guess if i have the potential to be the top, i'd alr been thr..

and it doesn't help when i see some people who actually have the talents but they do not utilise it fully. God, i wish i was like that. but i know. i'm created to be like this for a reason.. so yeah. i shouldn't let their performances affect me. haha.=/

okay. this entry kinda sounds like a pathetic loser. but. yeah i needed to vent whatever's going on inside me den i can change for the better. God, please show me the way.