i've been thinking alot lately. LOL sounds intellectual.
but seriously. i've been thinking of the weirdest stuff ever.. those stuff that i cant really describe. haha..

but anw. im not in the cheery kinda mood now.
feeling very sian about everything that's around me..
been feeling very lethargic recently. kept struggling to keep awake in lessons.
or sometimes. i just need to make an extra effort to be actually thr. as in , physically AND mentally.
i close my mind whenever i could. LOL.
on monday. i felt so cui can.................. kept lying on cheryl. couldnt take it anymore..
i missed my bed.............. haha
my mind was totally shut down by PE.
thank God PE doesnt require brains..
so i just kept running.. and running. for the damned 3.4km. arghs.

i duno why im feeling this way. it seems like im changing..
like.. my physical body. i've not been eating as much as before. but yeah. maybe it's a good thing. lol
but my squish's late for 11 days. it was always been regular..
thank God it came yesterday..
maybe this is mainly why im behaving this way for the past 2 weeks. =/
but i duno what makes it come soooo late! stress? i duno.


the mood swing thing is killing me.
or i wonder is it Satan that's trying to make me feel lonely amongst my good friends..
yeah. i have to admit i felt really low this few days.
especially when i'm alone, whenever i go to sch. it felt like thr's nobody to share my heart to.. of cuz, there is cheryl :)
but i dun wana be troubling her all the time with my endless naggings..
and. those people that i really want to share to werent there. =/

i understand that we all have our own lives to lead. so i'm not blaming anybody.. it's just that i duno why im feeling so hollow recently. like something's eating me up from inside.
it makes me not want to be involved in anything anymore.

maybe it's just that i'm not used to all this j2 thing.. all the other changes in my life..
and the new lives that my friends are leading..
hai. i guess i need alot more time to do a better job.
God, please take me out of this..
i dun understand why i'm going through this. but i understand. it must be for my own good..
hai. somebody tell me why growing up must be such a tough process.

as each of us grows up. everything changes, right?
nothing stays thr forever..
for me to grow, things need to be changed right?
is that why You're taking something away in my life? or reducing its presence in my life?
okay, if it's Your decision. i'll be okay with it.
i just pray that i'll be able to take it on maturely..
and not let this loneliness consume me.
i pray that i'll always trust in You.
and i pray that i wouldnt take it all on by myself.
i'm so sick of acting all okay and people asking me why i look sian.
if i tell you, would you get it?

after writing this, i hope situation would become better,
but. actually i know it wont.
cuz the reason why im feeling this way wont exactly get the message.

i hate to speak like this.
i makes me sound like a loser. a totally defeated person.
oh. maybe i am.